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7 Ways to Celebrate Failing

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August 10, 2012
project den, shooting the shit
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“Whether you’ve lost your job, started a business that didn’t work out, went on a shitty blind date, ended up losing a game or had a project fall through, failing is one of the most important and necessary things you must do at least twice in your life.” – CD

Go grab a glass of wine friend (or coffee depending on the time of day!), because we need to have a serious talk. Over the past four months I’ve launched a business (I’ve now learned that doing this during the Summer is not the best idea, unless it’s a Summer based business), ran around the city looking for clients, attending events, talking with everyone and anyone I could get a lead from. And what was the result? Two clients, seven leads, and a pay cheque to pay cheque lifestyle. But that’s okay, because what I’ve learned on personal and business level is irreplaceable. But we will get into that another time. Also, don’t think that I’m giving up, I just need to adapt my plan.

Having recently relocated to Toronto, I don’t really know anyone. I had arrived with a job, but it wasn’t what I wanted. It actually caused extremely loud sighs of exhaustion, a commute that was as long as crossing a river in 1896, and a level of internal disorganization that started making my hair go grey. Don’t get me wrong, the people were great. But, I really didn’t want anymore grey hairs at 25. So I quit to start my own business.

Four months later, some potential job offers, lots of late nights questioning myself, and “What the fuck am I doing?” moments, I have come to learn how to celebrate failing. At the same time I haven’t really failed, but of course my business isn’t taking off anytime soon. So, in a way it did fail.

Before we continue, how’s your wine or coffee? Do you need a refill? You should take care of that now. It’s better if you’re relaxed while reading this post.

Now on to the big prize: How do you celebrate failing? Here are seven ways to do so…

 

7. Find a great fucking outfit.

In at the big numéro sept, find yourself a great fucking outfit. If you’re gonna celebrate failing you’ve got to look doing it. Just because one situation hasn’t worked out for you doesn’t mean you’re off the leash of taking care of yourself. Go find that outfit that makes you feel like a winner. Wear it around your house. To the grocery store. Down the street to get coffee. Whatever you do, make that you’re go-to outfit. Put it on while you’re failing. No one can bring you down, you look fucking great!

6. Make a “failure board”.

Now that you look great, head on down to the closest Dollarama, and buy a big white piece of bristol board. Or whatever colour that you like. Avoid yellow, apparently it’s a “hostile colour”. If you don’t have markers, I suggest you get some of those too. When you get home start creating your “failure board”. Add images, words, quotes, lessons learned, pictures of you sad, happy and passed out on your bathroom floor, curled up in a ball crying. That picture is extra important. Once you’re board is done put it somewhere you can see it everyday. This failure board is a reminder of how courageous you are. The risk taking, smart, go-getter  person who knows that the road to whatever you’re trying to do is never ending. Be damn proud of that board, you made it, it’s a success.

5. Teach yourself a new talent. 

Wanna learn how to speak french? How about juggle? Stand on your head? Sure, why the hell not! I mean, you’ve got the time now. Take the time you would spend whining, crying, and feeling sorry for brave, badass self, and learn something new. It doesn’t matter what you choose to learn, just learn something you’ve always wanted to learn. I mean, this is a celebration friend! You’ve got to teach yourself a new party trick if you want to celebrate properly. And plus, maybe that talent is your real calling.

4. Clean your space.

Okay, I’m serious about this one. If you’re gonna celebrate you need a clean space. You need to get rid of all the old, and make way for the new, mature you! But don’t throw out any important papers or anything, that could be bad. Take some time to go through your old clothes, books, do the dishes, clean the fridge, mop the floors….yadda yadda. Cleaning your space will help you feel renewed, and ready. A clean space is a clean mind. I suggest not wearing your “failure outfit” while doing this though, you’re going to need to keep that clean for later.

(SIDE NOTE): How are you doing with your coffee or wine? Still good to go? Cool, let’s continue then.

3. Take a nap.

After spending many sleepless nights, early mornings and caffeine highs, you’re probably exhausted. So, go take a nap. It’s time to chill out for 30 minutes. You’ve got your outfit, made a board, learned a new talent, and cleaned your space. I’m exhausted even thinking about all that. No, but seriously, if you’re a real entrepreneur (or winner) you probably haven’t slept in a while, and are working on empty energy. So, now that you’ve failed, it’s time to take a nap. Get some much deserved rest. You’ve earned it, and don’t you dare think for a minute you didn’t. What you did was fucking awesome, but it’s also not the end. You’re gonna need to rest up for what’s ahead.

2. Write an email to your close friends and family.

Now that you’re all nice and rested, grab a tea, coffee or beverage of choice, sit at your desk and open your email. It’s time to whip up an email for friends and family telling them that you’ve failed. But why Cassie, why? Well, because there’s no reason for you to be ashamed of anything. You’re gonna write a nice email (or a couple) asking them how they’re doing, mention what’s been going on with you, and how much you realize that the small things (and most important) in life aren’t jobs, but family and good friends. Which is true, and I’ve hoped you learned this along your way to failing.

At the end of the email invite them all over for a party at your place. Don’t forget to tell them you love them, and think about them!

1. Throw yourself a “failure” party.

Did you guess this is where we’d end up? You smart cookie, you! Well, you’ve got an outfit, a piece of art to show off, a new talent, a clean space, and lots of rest….which means, it’s time for a failure party. No celebration is complete without a little shin-dig. One of the most important lessons you probably learned along your road to failing (or I have anyway) is: The most important things in life aren’t who you are or what you do, but who you love and what you have. I know I just said this, but I really wanna drive it in your head.

Often we get so caught up with ourselves, our jobs and power hungry attitudes, that we lose sight of what’s in front of us. We start taking the small things for granted. Having a good cup of coffee. Laughing. Walking. Being able to go outside or stay inside. All these little small things make up the big things. We can’t forget them, because these people, those things, they don’t forget about you. And you know what? They’re damn proud of you. So celebrate them. Celebrate what you’ve learned, who you are, where you’re going and who’s important in your life. Just because this didn’t work out, doesn’t mean shit. It actually means something better is out there for you.

 

For those who are brave, who try new things, start businesses, go on blind dates, give their all…you are the real winners. Many people go through life without ever looking up, and what you’ve done, and are going to do is all that matters. There’s no time to waste being upset. Spend that time celebrating instead. You’ve earned  it. Now get yourself dressed, and go. It’s time to embrace and celebrate failing.

ps: if you still need some inspiration check out these articles:17 People Who Were Fired Before They Became Rich and Famous, and If You Haven’t Failed, Then Maybe You’re Aren’t A Real Entrepreneur.

Excuse Me, How do I Get to Commitmentopia?

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August 7, 2012
project den, shooting the shit
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If you’re committed you’re either crazy or dedicated. Either way you end up attached (or tied-up) to a certain thing, person, profession….building. Being part of the Millenia generation I think I’ve been brainwashed to believe that I don’t have to commit to anything until I’m over 30. Or I’m environmentally programed not to “fully” commit. But that’s gotta be bullshit because I know lots of people my age, and younger, who can commit, stay in one place, have gotten married, kept the same job since they’ve graduated, yadda yadda yadda.

So I’m curious, is there a commitmentopia that I’m unaware of? And if there is, how do I get there?

I’ve been thinking about the idea and action of “commitment” or “committing” for the last two weeks because I admire people who can seriously commit to anything – running, a job, people or even just reading a book. What I’m noticing about these people is (or people in general who got a taste of commitmentopia): They don’t really question what they’re committed too. Okay, I’m not saying I can’t commit to anything, I just think at this time in my life, what I’ve come to understand is in order to make a true, dedicated commitment I have to want it more than I want a birthday cake on my birthday five months from now.

The idea of commitment is always a selling point to me. It’s like walking into a Best Buy and seeing this huge 3D TV and thinking, “This is exactly what I want.” You tell yourself it will last forever, and all your friends are going to want to come over and watch 3D movies. It’s a total seller, it’s what you want, what you’ve gotta have. But the idea of commitment, is it just a novelty? Are we drawn to the novelty of a commitment, the idea of it, or does it come down to our own values? I’m lost on that one.

The action of commitment is a whole different vegetable garden. It does take dedication, trust, confidence…and belief. That’s the significant difference between the idea of commitment and the action of commitment: the consistent belief this is what you want. Or that’s what I think anyway. The action of commitment is like buying that 3D TV and watching it everyday, every weekend, and planning 3D movie nights once a month. You’re committed to the TV, just like you had planned when you had the idea of buying it.

Let’s take a breather here for a minute. I’m not saying you can buy commitment (well, not that kind I’m talking about). It just seems to me that the idea of committing is never truly thought through. Once you’re committed you gotta follow through. I mean, you made a commitment, right? Which makes me ask, is it easier to commit if we know that what we’re committing to has an expiry date? Maybe we’re just programed to commit to something and stick with it because that’s we were told to do growing up.

On the other hand, all of these people I know who can commit, just do it. I’ve never really heard any of them question it or debate whether it was good for their personal growth. Which leads me to think that maybe their level or need for self-awareness as a person isn’t as heavy as mine. Perhaps they’re just happy where they are. The simple life is the good life. No need to change, work hard, live right.

My problem is this little voice inside my soul that screams, “THIS ISN’T WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSE TO BE DOING!!!!” when I make a commitment that I shouldn’t have committed to. It’s also what is preventing me from committing to a lot of things right now. Actually that’s a complete lie, what happens is I commit to something too soon only to realize after it wasn’t what I wanted. So, to help kick that problem of “over committing” in the ass, I am actually trying to think the level of commitment X will need. I feel like there should be a screening process for everything I commit to. Of course that’s never going to happen, so let’s just shut that idea down right now. Stop.Thinking.About.Screening.

Ahh but there is a little problem with this. The problem is that if you never try, you’ll never know if you can commit. So on the other hand, I don’t want to spend five months “thinking” and “screening” things I’d like to commit too. It’s always better to try before you buy. And my favourite saying that has kept me afloat during this “commitment debate” I’ve been having with myself is, “You just haven’t found something you like.” What a crock of shit that is. We totally just tell ourselves that to make us feel better about the fact that maybe, just maybe, we’re not ready to commit to whatever we’re thinking about committing too. Then I have to ask you: Do we train ourselves to commit?

For example, do we prepare ourselves for what’s to come, fully understand the scope of the commitment, get pumped, get ready and GO – commit – that 3D TV is all yours. You are now fully, 100% committed. Boom.

To be honest, I don’t know. Maybe some of us are just natural “committers” who can consistenly provide that level of dedication needed to pursue a long-term commitment. Maybe some of us are environmentally programed to not commit. Maybe others just don’t care about the 3D TV; it’s a not a life goal. Maybe we actually haven’t found what we love doing, and don’t want to attach ourselves to something we’re only going to do half-ass. Maybe I’m just not crazy enough to be committed.

Either way, let me know if you find the way to commitmentopia. I’d love to come visit and see what everyone’s doing.  Right now, I’m trying to learn about the value of commitment, and what it means to me.

The Importance of (Not) Being Yourself

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July 30, 2012
shooting the shit

“Just be yourself!”

What a misleading piece of advice. As a 20-something, trying to figure out who I am, this phrase erks me. In order to figure out who you are, or who you want to be, you have to try not being yourself. Different jobs, cities, hanging out with the “wrong” or “right” people. Eating weird shit. Playing different sports. Testing your limits, figuring out your boundaries…spending time not being yourself will eventually help you figure out yourself.

If you’re one of those people who already has this down, and are strong in your convictions, good for you. I applaud your effort…but, does that mean you’re going to be the same person, consistently from 21 to 91? If so, cool. I can’t do that. Every day, month, year…I am a bit closer to figuring out who I want to be or where I want go. But today, “being myself” means making mistakes, and testing life’s waters.

Growing into who I want to be. Because let’s be honest, we weren’t born “ourselves”, it’s the people, experiences and actions that lead us to develop this “self”. Of course you have your fundamental core values and morals. But even these change as you age, meet different people and make mistakes.

The pressure of “being ourselves” can be draining. Even more so if you’re not sure who exactly you are. And why do I have to figure it out today? Tomorrow I might want to be Nancy Drew, and maybe on Friday I wanna be Joan Jett. Who know’s who I will be five years from now. So, in the midst of growing up, becoming an “adult” and figuring shit out, being myself isn’t always as easy as that small piece of advice.

What does get easier is: figuring out who I don’t want to be. What I don’t like. What I don’t want to do. Ahhh, but then being honest with yourself comes into play. Which also goes hand-in-hand with growing up and “being yourself”. I truly admire people who have this down-pat. Honestly, I think that’s super wicked. In reality, they are far-and-few between. Growing up isn’t easy, and neither is being yourself. That’s why I suggest focusing on “not” being yourself.

Go live somewhere you know no one. Go eat alone. Go eat with friends. Try a job that you’ve wanted to try, but are scared because doesn’t offer as much money. Make mistakes. Stay out too late. Don’t go out at all. Send drunk texts. Stop talking to shitty people. Apologize or talk to the people you miss. Hang out with your family more. Don’t play safe. Do more things alone. Don’t answer your phone on Saturday. Stop relying on Twitter or Facebook to tell you how many people like you. Like who you are today. Don’t like certain things about yourself today. Write down who you want to be. Write down who you don’t want to be.

When you do the things you want or try the things you don’t want, you’ll know inside what is right for you. Feeling embarrassed or ashamed is good. It means that whatever action caused that feeling isn’t who you are, or who you want to be. And when you get these feelings, don’t go hide in the dark. Address them and ask yourself, “what can I do next time to avoid this feeling?” Sometimes you’ll keep making the same mistake until the weight of those negative feelings overtakes you and you crack. Then finally the next time you’ll think twice.

Remember this too: it takes time to change. We don’t live in the movies, and reaching our “full potential” can take years and years of personal practice (experiences and actions). So try not to be too hard on yourself if you mess up. Life still happens, and people still go on. There is no such thing as perfection. Fortunately, life does last long than an hour and thirty minutes…which means, time is on your side if you want it to be.

Figuring out who you aren’t will help solve the problem of figuring out who you are. We spend our whole lives focusing on others, and what the “others” want us to do, only to end up being miserable and never living the life we wanted. When those others are dead, all you have is yourself. So, try not being yourself for a while. You might be pleasantly surprised on who you actually start to become.

image from: consciousink.com

It’s so Simple

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June 27, 2012
shooting the shit

“It’s simple.”

“It will be simple.”

“This should be simple.”

In one of my previous jobs I worked with a manager who would always say to us, “It’s simple.” He would never explain what was so simple about our project or task. There were never any details or real discussion – it was just simple.

But, if it’s so simple how come it couldn’t be simply explained?

The problem with telling someone that isn’t knowledgeable about how “simple” the solution works is…you make them feel stupid. So instead of encouraging them and explaining how the solution is simple, you discourage them. Ultimately sabotaging the entire project or person. You turn it from simple to complex.

The term simple in marketing brings a sense of ease. When I talk with clients or friends or new friends at events, the word simple is frequently used. It helps keep everyone calm, and engaged. No one wants to talk about the complex. Or when they do talk about the complex, they get a corky look on their face and feel bad. Especially high-tech complex lingo at Startup events.

The truth is: sometimes things aren’t simple, and that’s okay.

Yes, it’s much better to pitch a simple solution, but what happens when you feel you can’t? Well, you teach yourself how-to. You practice “simple talk”. Use words that others can relate too or provide status quo examples. Because the truth is, when you just say “it’s simple”, without an explanation…it gets interpreted as you don’t actually know what your talking about. As a result, you look stupid (or a bullshitter).

In the digital age where we are surrounded by high-tech toys and high-tech language we long for something simpler; simpler times. Yet, is the longing just us not wanting to learn something new? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Maybe we, as a population, did actually enjoy those traditional times, and are in denial about it.

But it’s probably not that simple.

Trend Read: Which is the True Content Manifesto?

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June 9, 2012
shooting the shit

manifesto baby

Last weekend I read KunoCreative’s eBook, The Content Marketing Manifesto. Since last weekend I’ve seen other “Content Manifestos” breathe life in internetland. They’re also being shared like wild fire. But, which is the true Manifesto?

Well it depends on who you rely on, and what you want to get out of the Manifesto. Personally, I really liked KunoCreative’s eBook. But that’s just me; you have to make your own decision.

On another note: I love watching trends like this develop. The first thing I always think about is: “Did their competitors go, “!$Xk, why didn’t we think of that?”

Maybe they did. Maybe the didn’t. It honestly comes down to two things, 1) how much your online (and offline) community trusts you, and 2) how shareable your content is.

Either way, here’s three Content Manifestos going around…

KunoCreative – The Only Key You’ll Ever Need for Inbound Marketing Success

SEOmoz - A Manifesto of Content Marketing 

And this guy…

Larry Chase - The Content Marketing Manifesto

Interestingly though there’s one problem with KunoCreative’s Manifesto – it’s not very shareable. Sure you can share it on your social network of choice. But, you can’t really integrate it. Sometimes downloading can be annoying too.

When you search Rand Fishkin’s (SEOmoz) Manifesto, it’s everywhere. It’s everywhere because he made it extremely easy to share and integrate. Maybe eBooks aren’t the best way to get your audience excited?

Still think KunoCreative’s has more substance though.

Which do you like best?