7 Ways to Celebrate Failing

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August 10, 2012
project den, shooting the shit
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“Whether you’ve lost your job, started a business that didn’t work out, went on a shitty blind date, ended up losing a game or had a project fall through, failing is one of the most important and necessary things you must do at least twice in your life.” – CD

Go grab a glass of wine friend (or coffee depending on the time of day!), because we need to have a serious talk. Over the past four months I’ve launched a business (I’ve now learned that doing this during the Summer is not the best idea, unless it’s a Summer based business), ran around the city looking for clients, attending events, talking with everyone and anyone I could get a lead from. And what was the result? Two clients, seven leads, and a pay cheque to pay cheque lifestyle. But that’s okay, because what I’ve learned on personal and business level is irreplaceable. But we will get into that another time. Also, don’t think that I’m giving up, I just need to adapt my plan.

Having recently relocated to Toronto, I don’t really know anyone. I had arrived with a job, but it wasn’t what I wanted. It actually caused extremely loud sighs of exhaustion, a commute that was as long as crossing a river in 1896, and a level of internal disorganization that started making my hair go grey. Don’t get me wrong, the people were great. But, I really didn’t want anymore grey hairs at 25. So I quit to start my own business.

Four months later, some potential job offers, lots of late nights questioning myself, and “What the fuck am I doing?” moments, I have come to learn how to celebrate failing. At the same time I haven’t really failed, but of course my business isn’t taking off anytime soon. So, in a way it did fail.

Before we continue, how’s your wine or coffee? Do you need a refill? You should take care of that now. It’s better if you’re relaxed while reading this post.

Now on to the big prize: How do you celebrate failing? Here are seven ways to do so…

 

7. Find a great fucking outfit.

In at the big numéro sept, find yourself a great fucking outfit. If you’re gonna celebrate failing you’ve got to look doing it. Just because one situation hasn’t worked out for you doesn’t mean you’re off the leash of taking care of yourself. Go find that outfit that makes you feel like a winner. Wear it around your house. To the grocery store. Down the street to get coffee. Whatever you do, make that you’re go-to outfit. Put it on while you’re failing. No one can bring you down, you look fucking great!

6. Make a “failure board”.

Now that you look great, head on down to the closest Dollarama, and buy a big white piece of bristol board. Or whatever colour that you like. Avoid yellow, apparently it’s a “hostile colour”. If you don’t have markers, I suggest you get some of those too. When you get home start creating your “failure board”. Add images, words, quotes, lessons learned, pictures of you sad, happy and passed out on your bathroom floor, curled up in a ball crying. That picture is extra important. Once you’re board is done put it somewhere you can see it everyday. This failure board is a reminder of how courageous you are. The risk taking, smart, go-getter  person who knows that the road to whatever you’re trying to do is never ending. Be damn proud of that board, you made it, it’s a success.

5. Teach yourself a new talent. 

Wanna learn how to speak french? How about juggle? Stand on your head? Sure, why the hell not! I mean, you’ve got the time now. Take the time you would spend whining, crying, and feeling sorry for brave, badass self, and learn something new. It doesn’t matter what you choose to learn, just learn something you’ve always wanted to learn. I mean, this is a celebration friend! You’ve got to teach yourself a new party trick if you want to celebrate properly. And plus, maybe that talent is your real calling.

4. Clean your space.

Okay, I’m serious about this one. If you’re gonna celebrate you need a clean space. You need to get rid of all the old, and make way for the new, mature you! But don’t throw out any important papers or anything, that could be bad. Take some time to go through your old clothes, books, do the dishes, clean the fridge, mop the floors….yadda yadda. Cleaning your space will help you feel renewed, and ready. A clean space is a clean mind. I suggest not wearing your “failure outfit” while doing this though, you’re going to need to keep that clean for later.

(SIDE NOTE): How are you doing with your coffee or wine? Still good to go? Cool, let’s continue then.

3. Take a nap.

After spending many sleepless nights, early mornings and caffeine highs, you’re probably exhausted. So, go take a nap. It’s time to chill out for 30 minutes. You’ve got your outfit, made a board, learned a new talent, and cleaned your space. I’m exhausted even thinking about all that. No, but seriously, if you’re a real entrepreneur (or winner) you probably haven’t slept in a while, and are working on empty energy. So, now that you’ve failed, it’s time to take a nap. Get some much deserved rest. You’ve earned it, and don’t you dare think for a minute you didn’t. What you did was fucking awesome, but it’s also not the end. You’re gonna need to rest up for what’s ahead.

2. Write an email to your close friends and family.

Now that you’re all nice and rested, grab a tea, coffee or beverage of choice, sit at your desk and open your email. It’s time to whip up an email for friends and family telling them that you’ve failed. But why Cassie, why? Well, because there’s no reason for you to be ashamed of anything. You’re gonna write a nice email (or a couple) asking them how they’re doing, mention what’s been going on with you, and how much you realize that the small things (and most important) in life aren’t jobs, but family and good friends. Which is true, and I’ve hoped you learned this along your way to failing.

At the end of the email invite them all over for a party at your place. Don’t forget to tell them you love them, and think about them!

1. Throw yourself a “failure” party.

Did you guess this is where we’d end up? You smart cookie, you! Well, you’ve got an outfit, a piece of art to show off, a new talent, a clean space, and lots of rest….which means, it’s time for a failure party. No celebration is complete without a little shin-dig. One of the most important lessons you probably learned along your road to failing (or I have anyway) is: The most important things in life aren’t who you are or what you do, but who you love and what you have. I know I just said this, but I really wanna drive it in your head.

Often we get so caught up with ourselves, our jobs and power hungry attitudes, that we lose sight of what’s in front of us. We start taking the small things for granted. Having a good cup of coffee. Laughing. Walking. Being able to go outside or stay inside. All these little small things make up the big things. We can’t forget them, because these people, those things, they don’t forget about you. And you know what? They’re damn proud of you. So celebrate them. Celebrate what you’ve learned, who you are, where you’re going and who’s important in your life. Just because this didn’t work out, doesn’t mean shit. It actually means something better is out there for you.

 

For those who are brave, who try new things, start businesses, go on blind dates, give their all…you are the real winners. Many people go through life without ever looking up, and what you’ve done, and are going to do is all that matters. There’s no time to waste being upset. Spend that time celebrating instead. You’ve earned  it. Now get yourself dressed, and go. It’s time to embrace and celebrate failing.

ps: if you still need some inspiration check out these articles:17 People Who Were Fired Before They Became Rich and Famous, and If You Haven’t Failed, Then Maybe You’re Aren’t A Real Entrepreneur.

Excuse Me, How do I Get to Commitmentopia?

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August 7, 2012
project den, shooting the shit
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If you’re committed you’re either crazy or dedicated. Either way you end up attached (or tied-up) to a certain thing, person, profession….building. Being part of the Millenia generation I think I’ve been brainwashed to believe that I don’t have to commit to anything until I’m over 30. Or I’m environmentally programed not to “fully” commit. But that’s gotta be bullshit because I know lots of people my age, and younger, who can commit, stay in one place, have gotten married, kept the same job since they’ve graduated, yadda yadda yadda.

So I’m curious, is there a commitmentopia that I’m unaware of? And if there is, how do I get there?

I’ve been thinking about the idea and action of “commitment” or “committing” for the last two weeks because I admire people who can seriously commit to anything – running, a job, people or even just reading a book. What I’m noticing about these people is (or people in general who got a taste of commitmentopia): They don’t really question what they’re committed too. Okay, I’m not saying I can’t commit to anything, I just think at this time in my life, what I’ve come to understand is in order to make a true, dedicated commitment I have to want it more than I want a birthday cake on my birthday five months from now.

The idea of commitment is always a selling point to me. It’s like walking into a Best Buy and seeing this huge 3D TV and thinking, “This is exactly what I want.” You tell yourself it will last forever, and all your friends are going to want to come over and watch 3D movies. It’s a total seller, it’s what you want, what you’ve gotta have. But the idea of commitment, is it just a novelty? Are we drawn to the novelty of a commitment, the idea of it, or does it come down to our own values? I’m lost on that one.

The action of commitment is a whole different vegetable garden. It does take dedication, trust, confidence…and belief. That’s the significant difference between the idea of commitment and the action of commitment: the consistent belief this is what you want. Or that’s what I think anyway. The action of commitment is like buying that 3D TV and watching it everyday, every weekend, and planning 3D movie nights once a month. You’re committed to the TV, just like you had planned when you had the idea of buying it.

Let’s take a breather here for a minute. I’m not saying you can buy commitment (well, not that kind I’m talking about). It just seems to me that the idea of committing is never truly thought through. Once you’re committed you gotta follow through. I mean, you made a commitment, right? Which makes me ask, is it easier to commit if we know that what we’re committing to has an expiry date? Maybe we’re just programed to commit to something and stick with it because that’s we were told to do growing up.

On the other hand, all of these people I know who can commit, just do it. I’ve never really heard any of them question it or debate whether it was good for their personal growth. Which leads me to think that maybe their level or need for self-awareness as a person isn’t as heavy as mine. Perhaps they’re just happy where they are. The simple life is the good life. No need to change, work hard, live right.

My problem is this little voice inside my soul that screams, “THIS ISN’T WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSE TO BE DOING!!!!” when I make a commitment that I shouldn’t have committed to. It’s also what is preventing me from committing to a lot of things right now. Actually that’s a complete lie, what happens is I commit to something too soon only to realize after it wasn’t what I wanted. So, to help kick that problem of “over committing” in the ass, I am actually trying to think the level of commitment X will need. I feel like there should be a screening process for everything I commit to. Of course that’s never going to happen, so let’s just shut that idea down right now. Stop.Thinking.About.Screening.

Ahh but there is a little problem with this. The problem is that if you never try, you’ll never know if you can commit. So on the other hand, I don’t want to spend five months “thinking” and “screening” things I’d like to commit too. It’s always better to try before you buy. And my favourite saying that has kept me afloat during this “commitment debate” I’ve been having with myself is, “You just haven’t found something you like.” What a crock of shit that is. We totally just tell ourselves that to make us feel better about the fact that maybe, just maybe, we’re not ready to commit to whatever we’re thinking about committing too. Then I have to ask you: Do we train ourselves to commit?

For example, do we prepare ourselves for what’s to come, fully understand the scope of the commitment, get pumped, get ready and GO – commit – that 3D TV is all yours. You are now fully, 100% committed. Boom.

To be honest, I don’t know. Maybe some of us are just natural “committers” who can consistenly provide that level of dedication needed to pursue a long-term commitment. Maybe some of us are environmentally programed to not commit. Maybe others just don’t care about the 3D TV; it’s a not a life goal. Maybe we actually haven’t found what we love doing, and don’t want to attach ourselves to something we’re only going to do half-ass. Maybe I’m just not crazy enough to be committed.

Either way, let me know if you find the way to commitmentopia. I’d love to come visit and see what everyone’s doing.  Right now, I’m trying to learn about the value of commitment, and what it means to me.

Female Entrepreneurship: Interview with Laura Thipphawong Owner of Alligator Pear

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July 31, 2012
project den

 

Laura Thipphawong is a self-made entrepreneur in Toronto. She runs her own catering business, and cafe: Alligator Pear. I found Laura through a Google search while looking for Toronto caters for my Girl Geeks Toronto (GGTO) events. That was over two months ago now. Laura’s been a huge help for GGTO, and her amazing cuisine is completely organic, fresh and unique. Aside from the food, Laura’s got a corky personality that’s full of surprises.

Seeing as I was in the process of starting my own business, one of my “self-learning” strategies was to interview/chit-chat with a variety of entrepreneurs to get their thoughts, losses and wins of their experience so far. Well, here’s a bit of Laura’s story…


Tell us about yourself: What prompted you to start your own business? What thought process led to this idea, and what initial challenges did you have to face?
I realized when I was 25 that if I didn’t make a change in my life now I might be stuck in a place I didn’t want to be in for years to come. I wanted to do something about that as soon as possible. The biggest initial challenge was money, and building a business without any financing.


What would you say are the top three skills needed to be a successful entrepreneur?
I think that number one is business ethics. Have your morals in place and don’t forget them because even if you manage to succeed without them, you still need to respect yourself.

Second is to prepare for a hard road. There’s a lot of exciting stuff to look forward to, but can you handle being broke for years to come? Can you handle never leaving work? Because when you’re the owner, you’re never off the clock

And third, be obsessive. I’m the kind of person who gets really committed to something and doesn’t give up until the bitter end. Trials will come your way and make you want to quit over and over again. If you really want something and won’t give up working to get it, then you’re an entrepreneur.


What advice would you have for aspiring entrepreneurs in general, and women entrepreneurs specifically?
Keep your business as small as you can and with as much character as you can. We don’t need another polished, faceless franchise out there. Small businesses are so important, so don’t be afraid to showcase your personality and make it unique.

For women, I think this hold true in all aspects of our lives, its okay to be strong and powerful and smart without sacrificing your femininity. Strong women aren’t acting like men, and I like that we’re getting to a point where we don’t have to give up our sexual identity to succeed.


If you had to do it all over again, what would you differently?
I would have never signed up with one of those discount deal websites. They’re a waste of time at best, and have actually bankrupted countless small businesses due to overselling their vouchers.


What sacrifices have you had to make to be a successful entrepreneur?
I’ve sacrificed a lot of money, the comfort of a steady paycheck, and of course my time. The key is knowing when to make room for yourself. There’s a fine line between working hard for your goals and pushing yourself off the edge. This winter things were getting so stressful that my health started to suffer in ways that I could see were going to cause permanent damage. At that point I took a step back and made a sacrifice to my progression. But that’s okay; no job is worth your health.


How do you define success?
It’s the freedom to live comfortably while respecting yourself and others. Having time to relax and enjoy life the way you like but also thriving in the positive stress of working hard to create and maintain the work that you do well.


Excluding yours, what company or business do you admire the most?
I work with Boost for Kids, the Toronto child abuse prevention and intervention center. Their work is some of the most important in the world. I think that a lot of the problems can be traced back to improper treatment of children. If we get to the root of things we can help to fix a greater number of society’s challenges in the long run.

And also, the Grilled Cheese on Nassau Street in Kensington Market. I’ve seen that place grow from the time it opened and all from hands-on hard work and sacrifice. It still maintains its character and individuality. We need more places like that. It’s just unsettling when every street and every store starts to look the same.


What makes you happy?
I might never be happy or have peace of mind. But that’s okay, it keeps me pushing forward. That being said, I do know how to enjoy myself along the way. I find a lot of temporary relief in books, nature, good food, pretty things, movies, museums, cooking with friends, learning, and family time. Oh, and my dogs.

 

The Importance of (Not) Being Yourself

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July 30, 2012
shooting the shit

“Just be yourself!”

What a misleading piece of advice. As a 20-something, trying to figure out who I am, this phrase erks me. In order to figure out who you are, or who you want to be, you have to try not being yourself. Different jobs, cities, hanging out with the “wrong” or “right” people. Eating weird shit. Playing different sports. Testing your limits, figuring out your boundaries…spending time not being yourself will eventually help you figure out yourself.

If you’re one of those people who already has this down, and are strong in your convictions, good for you. I applaud your effort…but, does that mean you’re going to be the same person, consistently from 21 to 91? If so, cool. I can’t do that. Every day, month, year…I am a bit closer to figuring out who I want to be or where I want go. But today, “being myself” means making mistakes, and testing life’s waters.

Growing into who I want to be. Because let’s be honest, we weren’t born “ourselves”, it’s the people, experiences and actions that lead us to develop this “self”. Of course you have your fundamental core values and morals. But even these change as you age, meet different people and make mistakes.

The pressure of “being ourselves” can be draining. Even more so if you’re not sure who exactly you are. And why do I have to figure it out today? Tomorrow I might want to be Nancy Drew, and maybe on Friday I wanna be Joan Jett. Who know’s who I will be five years from now. So, in the midst of growing up, becoming an “adult” and figuring shit out, being myself isn’t always as easy as that small piece of advice.

What does get easier is: figuring out who I don’t want to be. What I don’t like. What I don’t want to do. Ahhh, but then being honest with yourself comes into play. Which also goes hand-in-hand with growing up and “being yourself”. I truly admire people who have this down-pat. Honestly, I think that’s super wicked. In reality, they are far-and-few between. Growing up isn’t easy, and neither is being yourself. That’s why I suggest focusing on “not” being yourself.

Go live somewhere you know no one. Go eat alone. Go eat with friends. Try a job that you’ve wanted to try, but are scared because doesn’t offer as much money. Make mistakes. Stay out too late. Don’t go out at all. Send drunk texts. Stop talking to shitty people. Apologize or talk to the people you miss. Hang out with your family more. Don’t play safe. Do more things alone. Don’t answer your phone on Saturday. Stop relying on Twitter or Facebook to tell you how many people like you. Like who you are today. Don’t like certain things about yourself today. Write down who you want to be. Write down who you don’t want to be.

When you do the things you want or try the things you don’t want, you’ll know inside what is right for you. Feeling embarrassed or ashamed is good. It means that whatever action caused that feeling isn’t who you are, or who you want to be. And when you get these feelings, don’t go hide in the dark. Address them and ask yourself, “what can I do next time to avoid this feeling?” Sometimes you’ll keep making the same mistake until the weight of those negative feelings overtakes you and you crack. Then finally the next time you’ll think twice.

Remember this too: it takes time to change. We don’t live in the movies, and reaching our “full potential” can take years and years of personal practice (experiences and actions). So try not to be too hard on yourself if you mess up. Life still happens, and people still go on. There is no such thing as perfection. Fortunately, life does last long than an hour and thirty minutes…which means, time is on your side if you want it to be.

Figuring out who you aren’t will help solve the problem of figuring out who you are. We spend our whole lives focusing on others, and what the “others” want us to do, only to end up being miserable and never living the life we wanted. When those others are dead, all you have is yourself. So, try not being yourself for a while. You might be pleasantly surprised on who you actually start to become.

image from: consciousink.com